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i’ll have my cake and eat it too

June 5, 2014

this week alone i’ve bought 1 baby present, 1 wedding gift and 1 way overdue wedding gift.  i’ve mailed 3 thank you notes and 1 thinking of you note.  and i’ve wasted 18 working hours because i have nothing to do at my desk.

leaving a job is hard – not only because it takes an emotional toll {more on that later} but because you slowly get left out of the daily mechanics of office life.  i realize this switch is my own choice {more on that later as well} and i fully accept responsibility for my lonely feelings.  i only wish making a change was embraced and celebrated as opposed to mourned and gossiped about.

i am crushed that i won’t be around to watch my sophomore advisees go to prom next year and collect their diplomas in two.  i am already preparing for tomorrow’s goodbyes with an arsenal of waterproof mascara and tissues.  i bought two pots from one of my art students just to make me feel a little better.  and i’m positive i will be drowning my sorrows in leftover pizza bagels and key lime pie (their picks for our final advisory breakfast) around 4:32 p.m. tomorrow.  salt in the wound is that my boss won’t let me talk about my departure.  though this is my decision and my life, i have been stripped of power.  naturally, this also means that gossip is running rampant and i can’t do much to quash it.  just last week another faculty member approached me in the hallways and asked point blank “was it your choice to leave or did they ask you to leave?”  i stared blankly and wanted to snort back a response that i have no comment as i’m not allowed to talk about it.  instead i defensively sputtered out a string of  “choice…and leaving…and mine!”  truth is, it probably doesn’t matter anyway.  people will say what they want.

we celebrate other life stages but not a person’s willful change of employment.  we send wedding presents (even the overdue ones) and commemorate birthdays and lick stamps and swipe credit cards but we gossip about and strip power from people who are simply headed on a different track.  do you know how many people have wished me well in my new life?  two.  why is changing a job salacious gossip while changing an address or number of dependents on your taxes is cause for cake and celebration?

but if you know anything about me you know that i won’t settle until i can have my cake and eat it, too.  i’ll walk straight out these doors on my last day and straight into the nearest bakery.  and then i’ll boo-hoo in my waterproof mascara all the way home.

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