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dream a little dream.

April 30, 2014

turns out this whole life pioneer thing is really not as exciting as i’d originally planned.  i read all these books and watch all these movies and idolize all these fictional characters that make magic out of uncertainty.  these characters solve heartbreak by packing their bags and moving to paris.  they sit at their desk at work, miserable for two years, and quit and become superheroes.  that, my lovely darlings, is exciting.

trying to coordinate leases with bank accounts and end dates at work with the heart wrenching reality that you’re leaving behind your favorite kids in the solar system, is decidedly unexciting.  uncertainty was a dream a week ago.  and now it’s a nightmare.

what does one do at this kind of life juncture?  dreams i’ve entertained recently include dying my hair vidal sassoon midnight muse blue because those commercials are so darned catchy and moving to los angeles because my friend turned me on to a fantastic (but no longer operational) blog about a girl who goes cakebarring.  i think the blue hair sounds a lot less expensive though the emotional toll having a smurf head might take on me has not yet been calculated into the equation.

just for reference

if i were my therapist (i am putting one on my birthday list), i would probably ask myself why i feel the need for such dramatic change.  and why the idea of change is alternately so romantic and absolutely terrible.  i would probably also tell myself not to come within 100 feet of the nearest cvs until this phase passed because midnight muse blue is just so not what i need in my life right now.

and if i were me, i would tell my imaginary therapist that i need change because what i’m doing right now is just not working for me and the definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  i’d be a real sass master to my therapist.  and then i’d go home and watch a romantic comedy and i’d alternately feel happy and terrible.

life is not a movie.  and i am not a character.  i am a person and i am freaking out about this fictional dream life that everyone else is living while i’m trying to figure out how my parents can store all my belongings in their two bedroom apartment while i travel cross country in a convertible.  there will most likely be no convertible.  life will probably just happen.  it won’t be glamorous or worth a lifetime tv movie and it’s hardly even enough fodder for this blog (sidenote: i need to start doing stuff) but i guess it’s something.  i mean, who has actually mended a broken heart by moving to paris on a whim anyway?  and don’t say someone.  the answer is no one.  dreams are dreams.  they’re not meant to come true (necessarily), they’re meant to give you something to look forward to.  something to take your mind off the daily.  so, this girl’s gonna make some moves and dream some dreams.  right after she stops talking to herself.

**and i promise i won’t dye my hair blue.  no matter what dream i’m dreaming.

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