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full circle

May 17, 2013

she sat and spewed anger and frustration and sadness.  he sat and shoveled chocolate from my candy dish into his face.  he’s her personal cheerleader and life assistant but if he had a business card it would only read boyfriend.  she’s a super talented young lady who has come down with a case of “shooting for the moon and getting spat out by earth’s atmosphere” syndrome.  she got a c+ in chemistry.  she wasn’t named mvp of track.  she pinched a nerve in her shoulder.  the aches spewed from her mouth, while her companion filled his with my candy.

for years i was angry and frustrated and sad.  i would call my mom and tearfully ask how much more a person could take?  i’d been dumped and i was living in a lazy little town in the mountains.  my “bff” of the moment and i had also broken up.  i struggled to see the point in my job and i wasn’t particularly good at anything beside running and baking.  or so i thought.  why wasn’t my life working out?

she huffed and puffed.  i smiled at her, not because i delight in teenage drama, but because i wanted to stop her in her tracks and yell: “you are me.  you are the younger version of me!!!!!”  as if i’d been sucked up in some time machine and plunked down in that small town, i could see myself sitting in my white jeep at the base of the hill up to campus, crying and asking my mom aloud “what am i supposed to do?  i’m trying so hard and not getting anything in return!”

over two years later i got my answer to that question i posed to my mom that morning in my jeep.  i am supposed to do this.  to be a confidante and sounding board and chocolate-provider.  i am supposed to listen to teenage tumult and smile.  i am supposed to calm them down and lift them up and believe in the very realness of their seemingly small teenage problems.  because we’ve all been there, done that.  and in years, maybe two, she’ll sit and smile and listen as someone struggles with the same question she posed today in my office.

track is a race of circles.  seemingly endless loops made of lanes and laps and legs.  but today life came full circle in my office.  just like it’s supposed to.

editor’s note:  in situations like this one, it’s always best to have chocolate on hand.  so tonight, in honor of my little stumbling star, i will bake buddy bars.  because there’s not much i am sure of.  but i am sure i’m good at baking.

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