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bigger than myself

February 25, 2013

i had all these big plans to go to church yesterday.  i’d figured out their worship schedule and even read a little of the scripture lesson in preparation.  but then i went on a long, winding run and then decided that long was long enough and i’d walk the mile-ish home from the white house.  and then i took my time in the shower and decided my sweatpants looked better than the pink pleated taffeta skirt i’d planned on wearing.  and my did my couch look awfully inviting.  then there was a coffee date with my friend karen, which i wouldn’t possibly think of canceling.  oh, and i could walk to the coffee shop and stretch my legs and enjoy god’s green earth (or the concrete covering that green earth).  and by the time i surmounted the hill to adams morgan, i had blown off church.

after gabbing over americano’s, two splenda packets each, i felt like i’d solved the problems bobbing around in my brain.  karen is a great advice giver, talented ob/gyn resident, married to a great guy and beautiful.  what wouldn’t she know?  i’m not sure if it was the caffeine or karen’s blonde radiance but i felt energized as we bounced back to her brand new audi convertible and she steered me home.  and back to my couch.

i cleaned out the last of the chewy spree’s and sour watermelons from my saturday night movie stash and watched some re-runs of keeping up with the kardashians or something.  and by that time, my belly distended with sugar, i zipped through the streets of dupont circle/georgetown/glover park to nab girlfriend nazo for hot yoga.  this was only my second hot yoga class, and the first was more like lukewarm yoga.  somewhere between crow pose and fat monkey pose (ok, i made up fat monkey…but that’s how i felt after all those chewy spree’s), as the sweat poured down my nose onto my mat, i felt calm.  i’m not sure it if was the sweat or the chanting in the background or that my caffeine buzz had just died.  regardless.  i felt it.

i like going to church because i like feeling connected to something bigger than myself.   i like the safety and comfort of knowing that pretty much everything will be ok in the end.  i want to be surrounded by others who feel the same way and support my beliefs.  i want to be warm and cozy, while feeling stretched and challenged.  i’m not sure if it was karen’s unbounded love and guidance or the twisting and turning of yoga as it challenged me to focus and connect with the universe (teeheehee), but i felt like it was ok i missed blew off church.  i had all these plans to go to church and then life happened.  something bigger than myself is in control.

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