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big in 2013

January 3, 2013

today’s a big day.  ok, it’s actually not a big day.  but it is my first day of work in the year that is 2013, the best year that ever was.  so i’m trying to be positive and chipper and fake it.  is it working?  while i am chained to my desk, how about you take a gander at how i spent my christmas vacation:

1:  number of furs i stole.  ok, i acquired my great-grandmother’s fur stole.

2:  weeks without work.  or kids barging into my office and demanding my attention.  or setting an alarm.  also: number of casseroles cooked and consumed in one 24-hour span at grandma’s.

2:30:  time i went to bed on new year’s.  a relatively tame but totally worthwhile late night.

3:  number of days i did not change out of my pyjama’s allllllll day.

4:  2 planes + 2 buses.

12:  episodes of homeland, hbo’s thriller about the cia and homeland security.  i’m hooked.  all i can think about is how i can illegally access season 2.  which is exactly how i earn myself a spot on some cia list.

25:  dollars to check a bag full of christmas joy.  worth it.  especially when you check out my new crock pot.  and green bay packer’s car decal.

1,726:  current fuel point tally.  i’d already racked up an impressive 2,600 by this time yesterday.  proof that work does not only steal one’s soul, it also steals one’s will to do anything.  i will fix this by flailing my arms wildly while i sit at my desk in the hopes that i will reach my 5,000 fuel-point goal.  can you sense the hopefulness?  again, faking it.

4,205,923:  calories via peanut butter balls, date bars, magnolia bakery banana pudding, and culver’s crinkle fries.  in related news, a new study came out that found fat people actually live longer than skinny people.  how’s that for radiating positivity?

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