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green with delusion

June 1, 2012

do you want to know how cool i am?  i’m sipping a blueprint cleanse green juice fresh from whole foods.  and when i say “sipping,” i mean “sipping.”  because this stuff is not going down quickly. 
i first read about blueprint cleanse let’s say about a year ago.  back when i was 

stubborn 

delusional enough to think that i could subsist on only liquids (champagne not included) for days at a time.  all the celebrities were doing it.  but delivery to rural, va just wasn’t going to happen.  so i got industrious and i decided to blend up my own green juice concoction of spinach/apple/lemon.  but trying to drink the pulp was as impossible as squeezing into one of gwyneth’s oscar gowns.  
i stalked the blueprint cleanse website, constantly clicking on the locations button, hoping that one day their juices will spring up in my area.  no clicking necessary…because today, while i was wondering whole foods, sweaty from a pre-wedding workout, i stumbled upon a “try me!  i’m new around here” sticker and a $9.99 price tag that belonged to a selection of blueprint cleanse juices.  i knew i had to have one.  because, as i’ve mentioned, i’m delusional.  i’m also incredibly vain (and starrrrrrving) and given the photographic evidence these juices will make you look like you’re starrrrrrving, which is exactly the look i’m going for in preparation for tomorrow’s wedding festivities.  exhibit a:

via us weekly

i feel skinnier already!  my insides are rejoicing!  i will fit into my frock tomorrow!  heads will turn!  and it’s all thanks to this lethal blend of romaine, celery, cucumber, apple, spinach, kale, parsley, lemon and ginger that i’m sipping.

*slurp.  slurp.  hesitant, cautious, nose-holding sip.*

i’m delusional.  really and truly.

 

 

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