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i voted today!

April 3, 2012

on the corner of 15th & depressing

the sign on the 15th street presbyterian church read “everybody welcome” in its cheesy, reusable plastic letters.  i’ve dreamed of this day since i was little and would sneak into the voting booth with my mom in a similarly dull church basement.  i’ve been excited to exercise my right to vote since my registration card, a flimsy little piece of white paper, appeared in my mailbox this fall.  dreams and excitement turned to disappointment as i trotted up the street to see this sad little church.  the official polling place of precinct 16 of the distinguished ward 2.


apparently precinct 16 is home to not only high rent and a generation of 20-something yuppies, but also artisans who specialize in duct tape and rope crafts.  reason i think this?  because those were the only two methods used for affixing signage to aforementioned polling place.  i was willing to overlook this.  because this is, after all, the big city.  if it’s not duct taped down, someone may very well make off with it (my identity knows how this goes).  i took in the sights, politely thanked the woman on the street pitching a last-minute plea for some candidate or another, and crossed my fingers that things would turn around when i entered the voting sanctuary.

this is no sanctuary...

i think i need to file a complaint with the federal election committee.  because i fear that precinct 16 is trying to scare us yuppies out of voting.  not only do the signs look like something from a police scene, but this staircase surely leads to one of dante’s rings of hell.  that or i took the wrong metro and ended up in a prison cell at alcatraz.

i didn’t take pictures inside my polling prison because i’m a goodie-two-shoes and i didn’t want to get scolded by the election “officials.”  quotations because there was nothing official about hank and clyde and mavis sitting behind pop-up folding tables sans tablecloths, in their polo shirts and high-waisted pants.  though i do appreciate their professionalism for not laughing at me when they realized i’m the lone republican registered to vote in the district.

i chose a paper ballot.  because if paper was good enough for our founding fathers, then paper is good enough for me.  i also chose paper because ole mavis flailed wildly when she was trying to point out where the electronic voting booth was, and i was too distracted by the myriad duct tape signs and the remnants of a church play set on the stage in the church basement.  i penciled in the bubbles with precision and care and walked my ballot to the mechanical processor that looked suspiciously like a paper shredder.  is that any way to treat a republican d.c.?

i climbed into the light.  but not before i claimed my deserved award:

sure did!

i’ve dreamed of this day since i was little.  the day i’d descend the stairs into a dark church basement, and emerge victorious with my i voted today! sticker.  all it took was a little adhesive.  excitement restored.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Notorious permalink
    April 3, 2012 6:27 pm

    Happy Voting Day. A job well down. I always vote at the end of the day. I am envious that you got to use a paper ballot. Our village has switched to the computer/optic scan. A sure sign of encroaching communism. —Notorious

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